


invisible things (are only realities).

by flustraaa



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Criminal Minds RPF
Genre: Annoyed Spencer Reid, Family Dynamics, Frustrated Spencer Reid, Gen, Misophonia, Sad Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid has anxiety, Spencer Reid has panic attacks, The BAU is such a good family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24793309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flustraaa/pseuds/flustraaa
Summary: “so you’re just going to pretend like i didn’t see you try to pull your hair out because rossi was snoring?”“wow,” reid blurts, voice dripping with sarcasm, “congrats! you just earned a medal for invasion of my internal thoughts and psyche!”
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid & David Rossi, Spencer Reid & Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid & Emily Prentiss, Spencer Reid & Jennifer “JJ” Jareau, Spencer Reid & Penelope Garica, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team
Comments: 9
Kudos: 437





	invisible things (are only realities).

Reid has never liked eating with them, and they know that full and well. He has a tendency to eat lunch alone at his desk, or even outside on the steps. 

But they don’t understand the severity of it— not until he’s walking into work, clearly just as, if not more, sleep deprived than he’s been all month. 

And with sleepy Reid, comes high strung, agitated, no filter Reid. 

And honestly, Morgan has to give him props. They’re sitting alone in the review room together and JJ is chewing her gum. 

Spencer’s eyes have not left his paper, and he’s taking deep calming breaths, left leg bouncing before he finally turn his head, looking above JJ’s head as he speaks. 

“J, could you maybe ditch the gum?” He mumbles, scratching uncomfortably at his Adam’s apple, “please?” 

She eyes him warily, nodding as she catches sight of the barely suppressed panic in his eyes, “Sure.” 

She rises to her feet, heels clicking against the floor in a manner that makes his heart thud. She sours out the gum, sitting back down before her eyes return to the evidence in front of her.

Reid closes his eyes, head down turned at the file in front of him. He tells himself he’s fine, there’s no more smacking and he can’t hear anyone breathing.

“Hey, Spence?” JJ asks softly, and he glances up at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” He mutters, “Just _tired_ , I guess.”

He acts pretty normally until that night, when they’re splitting into rooms, he gets split with a Rossi.

“Can I go with Derek?” He asks suddenly, making desperate eye contact with Hotch.

Morgan is the one who answers, catching the odd look of stress in Reid’s eyes, “Yeah Kid, Rossi and I’ll swap.”

Once they’re walking down the hall, Morgan stops Reid by the chest, looking him up and down, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Reid repeats, “I’m just tired, and Rossi snores.”

His brain unhelpfully he supplies, _all night_ long. He’ll lose it if he has to listen.

Morgan nods, clearly not believing him but not pushing him any further, “okay.”

Reid straights his tie, walking into the room with Morgan and setting down his bag.

“I’m gonna shower, is that cool with you?” Morgan asks, and Reid knows he’s trying to get a feel for what’s really going on.

“Yeah,” Reid says, “Do what you need to do.”

Morgan disappears into the bathroom and Reid turns on the sink that placed outside of the room containing the toilet and shower.

He brushes his teeth and washes his face, shoving himself into an outfit that doesn’t scratch uncomfortably, and flops into bed.

Surprisingly, he does manage to fall asleep before Morgan’s out of the bathroom, and when Morgan catches sight of him he just sighs.

He’ll have to get it out of him some other time. 

Spencer wakes up first, and when he does, he’s significantly less irritable than he was the day before. Definitely still sleep deprived, but better off than he had been.

He nestles back against his pillow, the noise of the world wonderfully muffled by the haze of sleep.

But only for a moment.

Soon, he can hear Morgan’s deep breaths echoing through the space and he shoves a pillow over his ear. He taps his fingers at a comforting one, two, three rhythm, quickly deciding that he needs to get out of the situation.

He pushes himself up, breaths starting to rasp until he situates himself directly under the nozzle, cold water spilling over him.

He stands there for a moment, going through the motions of washing his hair and body. He can’t go back out there until Morgan is up.

So he stands in the cold shower, letting the water run over him, eyes closed as he tries to snap himself out of it. It never gets this bad, he knows that the only reason he feels on the verge of a breakdown whenever he hears a trigger noise is because he hasn’t been managing anything in his life since Lindsey Vaughn case a few weeks ago.

The pounding on the door breaks him out of his stupor, “Kid, I slept through my alarm! We’re late! And I need to pee!”

Reid shuts of the shower, drying quickly and slipping into a pair of boxers. He taking a towel to his hair when he opens the door and Morgan shoves past him, closing the door behind Reid.

He shoves his legs through his jeans, shoving himself into a sweater. He’s tying his left shoe when Morgan comes out, throwing a glance at him as he pulls a granola bar out of his backpack.

“You ready to go? The team is in the lobby,”Morgan mumbles, and Reid flinches when Morgan takes a bite of the granola bar.

Morgan seems to notice, because he wraps up the bar, chucking it back in his bag, “is it the chewing?”

Reid looks back at him as Morgan shoves them into the hall. Morgan’s looking at him with an expression that clearly says, ‘tell me, because if you don’t I’ll keep doing it and it’ll end up being sheer pain for you.’

“Yeah,” Reid states meekly, “chewing.”

“Is that all?”

Reid just shakes his head, “not now, please.”

Morgan pats his shoulder as they walk into the lobby, and JJ and Emily extend a cup of coffee to each of them.

“Pretty Boy was in the shower,” Morgan teases, and Reid looks at him betrayed.

“Hey,” Reid retorts, “You we’re still asleep so I figured we were fine on time.”

Morgan just shoves his shoulder, shaking his head as they walk out to the SUVs. 

After that morning, Morgan is careful to get Reid out of situations that involve food or gum. Spencer would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate it.

It isn’t until the sheriff barges into the room, looking over the case reports that Reid feels him lose his grip completely.

For one, the older, gruff man is smacking on his gum, breaths ringing in Spencer’s ears. Reid grips onto the hem of his sweater with white knuckles, unable to bring himself to leave the room for fear of being viewed as a kid— _again_. 

“Reid?” Hotch asks, and Reid looks at him shakily, “What does the cutting of ears mean?” 

“His-historically it can be related to cases like Jack the Ripper, but considering he’s also taking the part of the brain that processes sound I think it’s about hearing,” He says on a concentrated exhale, “the unsub could have some type of hearing problem, or disorder that sets him off via hearing.”

“Such as?” The sheriff smacks, and Reid flinches.

“Misophonia,” he runs his hands through his hair, grounding himself to the feeling of his locks in his hair, “It’s an anxiety disorder that has to do with sounds or the motions we associate with it. Chewing, breathing too loudly, amongst other things. It can cause extreme bouts of panic, anxiety, or in some cases anger. If we have an unsub with psychosis, it could be a stressor.” 

“So he knew these people?”

Reid gnaws on his inner cheek, nodding, “More likely than not. They probably did something to set him off. This unsub does have some form of psychosis though, Misophonia, though often responsible for irritability, does not cause homicidal tendencies.” 

He catches Morgan’s eyes, and in that moment he knows he’s given himself away.

The sheriff starts speaking, and between the squeaking of the gun between his molars, the sound of his lips pressing together wryly between consonants, and his breathing Reid realized that if he doesn’t leave the room in the next few minutes he’ll have a panic attack right there.

He rises to his feet, not bothering to excuse himself as he walks to the bathroom, shutting the door hard behind him and sitting on the floor.

He curls up, closing his eyes and tipping his head back against the wall as he takes deep and even breaths, rocking himself back and forth in a soothing motion. The door opens and Morgans head peeks in, looking down at Reid’s curled up form.

He doesn’t say a word, just creeping in and sitting with his back to the door. He waits for the rocking to stop before he even looks at Reid.

“You okay?” He asks, “that cop was like a noise machine.”

Reid lets out a quiet chuckle, and Morgan grins back at him.

“Can I ask what’s up with you?” Morgan sighs after a minute, “I’ve known you for four years and you’ve never been this anxious— except for with Hankel.”

Reid runs his hands over his face, “Yeah— um, usually I have a pretty good handle on it, but I haven’t been sleeping or eating and it kind of feels like my emotions are ten times as bad.”

“I’ve never seen you fall asleep as you did last night,” Morgan shrugs, adjusting his back against the door. “Is there anything I can do?” 

Reid just shakes his head, “I just want to get this case over with. Also, you’ve been eyeing your water all day, drink it. It won’t set me off.”

“So what does?” Morgan murmurs, “I want to make sure I don’t find you in worse shape next time you leave the room.”

“Chewing, loud breathing, snoring, patterns of tapping that are either a one-two, or a variation of three, that sound of lips clashing when people talk, and scratching,” he glances up, face somewhat abashed but there’s no judgement in Morgan’s eyes, just understanding.

“Got it, Kid,” Morgan murmurs, sending him a smile and patting his shoulder. “Garcia found a hit on a warehouse in your geographic profile, we’re leaving in ten.” 

When all is said and done, they’ve made a successful arrest and saved the last victim. They board the jet, and Reid immediately heads to the couch, knocking out.

JJ anxiously taps against the table before turning to the others who sit around the table, “I can’t stop thinking about how Spence left the table.”

“He was riled up,” Emily sighs, setting down the magazine shed been pretending to glance over, “I would be too if I had that cop breathing down my neck.”

“He has Misophonia,” Morgan cuts in, walking into the conversation. He sits on the arm of the couch next to Reid’s curled up legs, “I talked to him after. He told me about his triggers when I found him sitting on the bathroom floor.”

“He was sitting on the bathroom floor?” JJ repeats, sending a glance to Reid’s sleeping face. “Was he alright?”

“Mostly,” Morgan soothes, “but he told me the only reason we noticed was because he was exhausted. I looked into it a while ago, it usually develops around ages nine to thirteen, and it’s most common in people with ADHD, anxiety, or OCD.”

They all glance at the kid, watching as he breathes softly, lost in his nap.

“We’re not going to change how we act around him,” Hotch says suddenly, “there’s a reason he never said something and if any of us hate being tiptoed around, it’s Reid.”

“Agreed,” Rossi murmurs, “I’d drink to that.”


End file.
